State Of ‘I’m Going To Do Whatever The Fuck I Want’ Declared In Turkey By Erdogan

AS a crackdown on civil liberties in Turkey continues, president Recep Tayyip Erdogan has declared a state of ‘I’m going to do whatever the fuck I want’.

Similar in many aspects to a state of emergency, the state of ‘I’m going to do whatever the fuck I want’ will see the office of the president, a largely ceremonial post, take on an even more politicised and undemocratic approach to restricting basic freedoms of non-AKP party members and supporters.

“I treat Turkey like my own private game of Sims,” Erdogan, a noted goat fucker explained on Turkish State television, “I do what I want, maybe I build a wall around a Sims character, blocking them in and force them to urinate themselves. These are just the things I like to do to enhance the security of the Turkish people, or maybe I play Call of Duty and round up everyone and execute them, who knows”.

Erdogan announced that the state of ‘I’m going to do whatever the fuck I want’ will last for a total of 3 months before being extended again and again for an indefinite period of time.

Small print in the ‘I’m going to do whatever the fuck I want’ measures also allow Erdogan to continue to move Turkey further away from being a secular state.

“Democracy must be maintained,” Erdogan confirmed as he wrote up a list of newspapers, journalists, teachers, hairdressers and vegetables he didn’t like.

“Brussel sprouts were part of the plot against me,” he went on to confirm.

There is expected to be little meaningful opposition from international leaders as a stable Turkey remains the only thing keeping myriad Middle Eastern problems and conflicts from spilling over into far more important such as Europe and beyond.