Donald Trump’s Full RNC Speech LEAKED!
AHEAD of his speech at the Republican National Congress, Donald Trump’s speech notes have been leaked by an unidentified staffer who may have been working for the Clinton campaign in some capacity. Several news agencies, including the New York Times, BBC, Fox News, CNN, and the Washington Post have published the notes.
The full remarks, due to be delivered in the coming hours in Cleveland have been reproduced below in full:
Thank you, thank you. Thank you to all the delegates who nominated me, we got so many delegates, more delegates than anyone in the history of the primaries believe you me. I couldn’t believe it, they say I’m a phenomenon.
[if losing the crowd already, mention wanting to bomb everywhere, explain how you guarantee you’ll defeat ISIS but whatever you do, don’t go into any detail. Pause for applause/people foaming at the mouth]
Let me tell you, believe me when I say, I’m a pretty humble guy, I’m religious, I love guns & the second amendment, believe me you’re not going to believe it, I’m going to Make America Great Again. [pause for 11 minutes of applause]
No, it’s true, really, it’s true. It is. It’s great to be here in Cleveland, I love Cleveland, I love the people of Cleveland. They’re doing good with the RNC, aren’t they? And hey, how about my beautiful wife, we gave her a speech with plagiarized passages, sent her out there to be embarrassed in front of the world but she knocked it out of the park, am I right? What a set of pins, too, am I right?
[yell something about the Mexicans, pause for 16 minutes of applause]
Nobody knows how to create jobs like me, that’s a fact. [mention Trump steaks, but not multiple bankruptcies, pending lawsuits, etc] I’m going to create so many jobs you won’t believe it. It’s simple, Crooked Hillary should be in prison, but she’s running for president, go figure. They’ll let anyone run for president these days, it’s embarrassing, no, really it is. But I’ll Make America Great Again. [start hitting Hillary pinata wheeled on stage by bikini models with baseball bat]
Ted Cruz? Don’t even start me on that guy. That guy, he’s going to be my first secret presidential assassination when I’m in office.
People say I don’t want to be president, they say ‘Donald, you’re just doing it because you want to walk around like a king and have people call you Mr. President, and you offered John Kasich control over domestic and foreign policy’. Baloney, so many lies, I mean it’s entirely true, but so many lies. I can’t believe, the number of lies these people tell, the Washington Post, the New York Times. All of them.
I’m going to decorate the Trump Hotel & Spa Resort White House so good, so much decorating you’re gonna have a heart attack (curtain drops to reveal Trump White House Plaza logo).
When I’m finished with it, there won’t be any more stains in the Oral Office left behind by Bill. Make America Great Again. Mexicans are rapists, let’s burn Iran to the ground, blacks are lazy, jobs I personally outsourced to China, I’ll bring them back because profit is king. Whatever you want, let’s just go ahead and say I’ll give it to you, everything you want.
Thank you RNC, thank you delegates, and God Bless Donald Trump. [cower beneath podium as Secret Service foil first of many assassination attempts] Exit to ‘Highway to Hell’.