“I Should Have Staged This Coup Years Ago” – Erdogan

TURKISH president Recep Tayyip Erdoğan has today welcomed the fallout from last Friday’s uprising attempt, pointing out that he should have staged the military coup years ago.

Speaking to Turkish media this morning, Mr. Erdoğan said last week’s failed attempt to overthrow him was probably his best idea yet, allowing his regime to imprison anyone who may be opposed to his ideals and proposed reform of the parliamentary system in Turkey, which would give executive presidency, allowing him more power as leader, similar to that of the American presidency.

“Why didn’t I think of this before?” an ecstatic Erdoğan asked reporters, “All those asshole judges trying to stop me changing our constitution are now locked up in prison along with all my military opponents. This coup couldn’t have turned out any better if I’m honest”.

At the height of the attempt to overthrow Turkish President Tayyip Erdogan, news agency Reuters reported that rebel pilots of two F-16 fighter jets had Erdogan’s plane in their sights, and failed to engage, despite their sole purpose being to annihilate him.

“You’d hardly think I’d give them permission to shoot me out of the sky?” Erdoğan pointed out, “This is too easy. I think I’ll take a nice holiday after I change the Turkish constitution to suit myself. Actually, from now on, future Turkish presidents are to get 7 months holiday a year”

“And let’s wipe out those blasted Kurds while I’m at it; kurd their enthusiasm,” he concluded.