Townie Under The Impression That He’s Not A Culchie

A COUNTY Tipperary man is under the impression that he is not a culchie, as he lives in town full of people, WWN can reveal.

Gerry Forde, 19, who has been living in Carrick-On-Suir for most of his life, made the assumption during conversation with a Dublin friend, who was visiting the small town.

“Gerry got all upset because I called him a culchie,” Ballsbridge man Tony Wesbrit explained. “He started claiming he was a ‘townie’, or some shit. I couldn’t bleedin’ understand him, though. You know what they’re like. Smell of slurry off him”.

Forde, a son of two, later defended his claim, stating that people who live in towns are ‘townies’, and should never be confused with full-on culchies, who ‘live in the sticks’.

“Excuse my ignorant Dublin friend as he doesn’t get out of the pale much, God bless him,” Forde began, in his best nasally accent. “I’m a townie, and townies don’t even cut silage or nothing. We hang around shop corners and housing estates, like Dublin people do. We’re no different, so saying we’re a bunch of culchies is a load of bollox, cause we’re not”.

Experts in the field have since debunked Mr. Forde’s claims, pointing out the vast differences between townies and Dublin people.

“People living outside of Dublin seem to lack the superiority gene needed to be an arrogant city type,” expert in social branding Grace Moran explained, who is also from Dublin. “Dublin people can call anyone outside of the city limits, ‘culchies’.

“However, in certain circumstances, people from towns can call rural people culchies, but only if there was no Dublin person observing at the time. And if a Dub is observing, they are the only ones allowed use the word. This law is written clearly in section 23a of the Irish constitution,”  she concluded.