Labour Promise Free X5 Steam Mop For Every Household If Re-elected
IN a bid to claw back votes following their dismal ratings in recent polls, the Labour party has announced that should they remain in power after next year’s general election, every household in Ireland will receive an X5 steam mop absolutely free.
The pledge to distribute free steam mops comes after similar promises to end the “baptism barrier” for school applications, fully support the repealing of the 8th Amendment, add two more bank holidays and sort out your NCT for you.
These offers, follow the latest Sunday Times poll, which saw Labour fall in popularity again, down to an all-time low of just 7% support from the public.
Party leader Joan Burton has expressed hope that the electorate will forgive the party’s constant back-rowing on policies and election promises once they hear about the amazing features of the X5 steam mop.
“The X5 cuts through grime and grease, and is safe to use on tiles, wooden floors, stainless steel sinks; even windows,” beamed Burton, holding up an X5 steam mop to demonstrate how light and manoeuvrable it is.
“The patented X5 technology generates huge amounts of steam within seconds, so there’s no waiting. Look how the X5 gets in under the sofa, the table, and into the trickiest corners of the house. With this attachment, the X5 becomes a carpet cleaner, removing deep stains using only the power of steam. No chemicals, no effort; the X5 is not available in shops, but can be yours for free simply by voting for your local Labour candidate in next year’s election”.
The move has been declared “crass” by a number of Anti-Austerity Alliance TDs, who themselves are offering poor people free houses and more dole and no water charges and magic beans in return for their vote.