Northern Ireland Making Abortion Issue Awkward For Government, Government Confirm


FOLLOWING the ruling from a Belfast High Court yesterday that Northern Ireland’s abortion laws ‘are in breach of human rights’, the Irish Government has criticized the 6 counties for piling the pressure on them to call a referendum on abortion laws south of the border.

“I’m just really angry at the North, we could always use them to explain to voters ‘sure, it could always be worse, you could be with the troglodytes up North’, sure enough – they’d see sense and see how good we had it down here. Now this court ruling has royally fecked that up,” Taoiseach Enda Kenny explained to WWN.

“I hope the people up there appreciate how awkward they’ve made the situation for us,” the Taoiseach added, pronouncing the word ‘situation’ with a passable Northern accent for no reason in particular.

“Like, no jokes, I might have to actually do something about this whole fatal foetal abnormality thing,” the Taoiseach added, visibly annoyed.

The successful case taken by the Northern Ireland Human Rights Commission will see abortions allowed in Northern Ireland in the cases of fatal foetal abnormalities, rape and incest, but an unforeseen consequence is the impact it will have on a fragile and vulnerable Irish coalition Government.

“Ugh, our cousins up the North could always be relied on to look like the backwards ones, you know, they should have really thought about how bad this would make us look before they went to all that effort,” Tanaiste Joan Burton explained to WWN, visibly frustrated at having to issue yet another empty pre-election promise about abortion laws.

The court ruling may see Northern Ireland update its abortion laws for the first time since the Offences against the Person Act in 1861, putting them several centuries ahead of Ireland.