Old People The Cause Of Everything Wrong Today, Confirm Scientists

IN a groundbreaking new study, scientists have revealed that literally everything wrong with the world today can be traced back to decisions made and policies implemented by the older people in society.

From the election of corrupt government officials to the invention and utilisation of weapons of mass destruction, older generations were today described by a research team as “having a lot to answer for”.

“Our research has been thorough, and our findings conclusive,” said Dr. Richard Marketh, spokesperson for the global study.

“I mean, I didn’t elect Richard Nixon, did I? I wasn’t even born at the time. But my parents, the same people who go to bed at 7 in the evening, they would have voted for him twice if they had the chance! And decades of environmental neglect? Yep, that’s them old pricks again. Way to fuck up the whole world for us and then drive around everywhere at ten miles an hour, assholes”.

An Irish branch of the research team concurred with the international findings, stressing that anytime you watch Reeling In The Years and see footage of the election of a politician that history proved to be a totally corrupt scumbag, it’s probably your Ma and your Da that was voted them in at the time.

The report concluded with advice to learn from the mistakes these careless old bastards made, in a bid to not just keep doing the same thing over and over again.