“I’ll Buy An Apartment In Bulgaria Now I’m Out Of Negative Equity”, Says Complete Moron


HAVING recently emerged from negative equity on his mortgage, one Clondalkin man is hoping to reignite his career as a property mogul; starting with the purchase of an off-the-plans apartment in Bulgaria.

Christopher Sheeley, an unemployed 33-year-old, was one of thousands who found themselves with crippling mortgage debt after the property crash in 2009. In order to make repayments on his €450,000 one-bedroom apartment, Sheeley was forced to move back in with his Mam, while a Polish lad rented the property.

However, with house prices in Dublin rising by nearly 25% in the last 12 months, the apartment in North Dublin is now out of negative equity, giving Sheeley a second opportunity to live out his dream of getting rich by buying and selling property.

“Yeah, it looked bad there for a few years alright” said Mr. Sheeley, who got 240 points in his leaving cert. “The arse fell out of the property game and I was stuck with a biscuit tin costing nearly a half a million euro that I couldn’t even afford to live in. I was trying my best to sell the fucking thing, but I would have lost my balls on it”.

“But when the newspapers told me that house prices were rising, I checked out Daft to see what my place was worth and true enough, it’s back up around what I paid for it. Now it’s only a matter of flipping it and moving on to the next venture, which I reckon is one of these flats beside the beach in Bulgaria”.

One of the true trinkets of the Celtic Tiger era, an apartment in Bulgaria was greatly coveted among wannabe property developers who needed something to brag about in the pub. Rarely visited and in many instances not even built yet, the Bulgarian getaway apartments are due to make a comeback now that property tycoons such as Sheeley are back in the black.

“My old flat is already on the market, and I’m on the way in to the bank to see about a loan. Sure, I heard on the radio they’re handing them out like sweets again. After that it’s just a case using that profit to buy a few more places and then I’ll be rich as fuck in Bulgaria without doing a tap of work”.

While Mr. Sheeley is in the bank applying for a loan, it is believed that he will also look for an increase on his credit card limit in order to head to New York for a day to do his Christmas shopping.