AS THE CURRENT nationwide hosepipe ban, which is in place until the end of July, looks like it could be extended even further, many ordinary decent folk have expressed their worry as to what life will be like carrying on without washing the car or watering their gardens.
WWN is on hand to help you get around the hosepipe ban with these priceless tips and tricks:
The perfect water substitute has been in your bladder this whole time. Whether it be to hose down the car or hydrate your body, your piss is the answer to your prayers. You’d wonder why you were wasting all that water once you give it a try.
2) What’s a hosepipe anyway, I know what a hose is
Hosepipes, whatever they are, are what’s banned. But hoses, which dispense water from taps too, don’t seem to be on any list from councils and authorities. Surely, if they wanted them banned we’ve all be hearing about a hose ban. Thanks God that’s not the case.
3) Cross border water running>/strong>
Working much like the fuel laundering business, why not pop up the North with an extra long hose and attach to a kindly person’s tap, driving back southwards, unfurl the hose from your car until you get to your driveway. Then drive back to the North and turn on the tap, then, in a race against time against the water, speed back before it starts spouting out the end of the hose.
It 26 short trips back and forth over the border you’ll get those roses and hydrangeas watered in no time.
4) Pressure the government into striking a weather swapping deal with Japan
Japan is currently experiencing unprecedented floods as we experience unprecedented heat. Nothing to do with climate change just a lovely coincidence, anyway, if the entire country marches on Leinster House and demands the Fine Gael led government agrees a weather switch with rain sodden Japan. Win-win for everyone.
While we’re not entirely sure as to how the negotiations will go, Ireland can either swap the entire country’s good weather, or do it county by county, meaning those counties that are happy to continue with the warm weather can keep it.