“Show That Fucking Ad One More Time, I Dare You” Public Warn Maroon 5
THE WORLD CUP viewing public have made an explicit threat to band Maroon 5, stating that if the excruciatingly awful Hyundai car ad featuring them appears even just ‘one more time’ on TV there will be violent consequences.
“Show that fucking ad one more time, I dare you,” the public said in a statement directly issued to the band, accompanied by a 74 page list of things the public would do to Maroon 5 if they appeared on screens again. The threats written in a very small font to allow for the maximum amount of threats of violence to fit on the pages, is said to include acts so gruesome even the US military don’t use them on terror suspects.
The visual and aural terrorism visited upon football fans by the plucky band who cover ‘Three Little Birds’, a song previously most famous for having nothing to do with the shit band, has been criticised by human rights groups.
“We all understand advertising is a necessary evil but there is a certain point when an already terrible ad becomes the most irritating thing on the planet if it is played during 55,678 ad breaks in a row. People have voluntarily checked themselves into asylums until the World Cup is over to avoid Maroon 5 and that fucking song, this is torture,” human rights campaigner Abigail Holland told WWN.
The advert in question depicts a child about to open a car door into the path of an oncoming truck, however, noticing that the truck seems to be on collision course with the band Maroon 5 who have inexplicably begun singing in public, the child decides to close the door and allow the truck to mow down the band in a bloody fashion.
“The only thing keeping me going is the thought that there is an extended cut of the advert that shows Maroon 5 being wiped out by that truck, which will be played at some stage of the tournament,” one football shared with WWN.
Football fans have already burned several television broadcasting headquarters to the ground in protest at the continued existence of the ad, and Maroon 5.