Tag: soccer

Local Man Warns Stephen Kenny To Have Ireland Playing Like Bayern Munich Within 30 Seconds Or Risk Losing His Support

A PASSIONATE fan who backs the national team through thick and thin has warned new manager Stephen Kenny that if Ireland aren’t pressing like maniacs, showcasing exceptional technique and blistering pace on the counter-attack within 30 seconds of tonight’s game against Bulgaria he should resign on the spot. Kenny’s elevation to the top job in… Read more »

De Gea Regrets Experimental Hand Swap Surgery

IN THE WAKE of his latest high profile blunders in the FA Cup semi-final against Chelsea, Manchester United goalkeeper David De Gea has finally admitted regret over his experimental hand surgery, WWN Sport can reveal. “I’ve got to put my hands up and say it’s not good enough,” confirmed De Gea while wildly waving his… Read more »

Local Man An Expert In The German League All Of A Sudden

STUDIOUS and prolific, Olympic-level bullshitter Conor Shellin has been given a new lease of life thanks to the behind-closed-doors return of the Bundesliga. Decamped to his couch all weekend and mainlining hours of football after weeks of devastating withdrawals, Shellin was a hyperactive presence on WhatsApp, Twitter and Instagram delivering stats, facts and opinions on… Read more »

Roy Keane Released Back Into Wild

THE football association of Ireland has taken Roy Keane out to the wilderness of rural Cork and released him back into the wild after five years in captivity as assistant to manager Martin O’Neill, whose term as Republic Of Ireland manager ended yesterday. Keane, long regarded as a threat to himself and those around him, had… Read more »

Happiness Directly Linked To Whether Group Of Millionaires Beat Other Millionaires

RESEARCH coming into WWN Sport this morning confirms there is overwhelming evidence that a growing number of people’s happiness is directly linked to whether or not one group of millionaires can triumph over a number of near indecipherable groups of millionaires. The millionaire’d groups, largely hailing from a variety of nations but located in a… Read more »

Mourinho To Practice Latest Meltdown In Front Of Mirror

NOTING the ever dwindling impact of his attempts to place the blame on others for his own failings as a manager, Jose Mourinho will practice his next meltdown/rant/lambasting of a 16-year-old youth team player in front of the mirror. Spending much of the summer’s pre-season before the start of the Premier League giving out about… Read more »