Roy Keane Released Back Into Wild


THE football association of Ireland has taken Roy Keane out to the wilderness of rural Cork and released him back into the wild after five years in captivity as assistant to manager Martin O’Neill, whose term as Republic Of Ireland manager ended yesterday.

Keane, long regarded as a threat to himself and those around him, had been granted the role of assistant manager in 2013 in a bid to segregate him from the general population, where his volatile disposition and sharp temper could have triggered a catastrophe.

Experts believe that having 22 inept players to focus his attention on, Keane was able to ‘get it all out of his system’ on a weekly basis, and it is hoped after five years of rehabilitation, he will be able to rejoin society to live a normal, angry free life.

“We would have loved to keep him in for another few years, but the results just wouldn’t warrant it,” said a member of the FAI, tearfully watching Keane slouch off into the Garryduff woods outside Cobh.

“Now, we just have to hope he can survive in the wild without getting himself into too much trouble. He won’t have an 18-yard line that he can yell at players to stick to for 90 minutes.

“All we can do now is hope that he can live his life without mauling anyone to death, unless it’s an ITV pundit or two”.

Keane has also been fitted with a tracking device implanted in his neck, which will warn the FAI if he ever approaches their offices, ever again.