Is ‘Fortnite’ Turning Your Child Into A Psycho Killer? We Investigate
WILDLY POPULAR game Fortnite has over 125 million players across the world and is obsessively played by its fans. All sounds like a remarkable success story, right? Wrong! If your child is playing it, it is turning them into a psychopath.
Don’t believe us? Well we broke into your house while you were at work to watch your child play Fortnite and he’s fucking crazy, that kid.
Smashing the windows to gain entry to your home because we don’t have a key, the apple of your eye who you think is the bees knees reacted is an aggressive manner, screaming at us to get out. A sure sign that the game he regularly plays, Fortnite, was having a horrible rotting effect on his brain. Have kids no manners these days?
You don’t even have to pay for Fortnite, it’s free, which begs the question is the game just an elaborate mind control experiment by the US military to turn everyone into gun totting psycho killers?
Telling your son to shut his fucking mouth and respect his elders, we tied him to a chair in order to get answers out of him. He was like a rabid dog at this point, he wouldn’t sit still and keep screaming ‘don’t kill me’. It got very annoying, very quickly.
Fortnite Battle Royale is a horribly violent free for all which is addictive and corrodes the brain cells within your son’s noggin, although we’d question if he has any at all. The game certainly doesn’t teach respect, we went to get ourselves a glass of water and the little shit tried to escape.
Would he have tried to escape had he not been playing Fortnite 34 hours a day? Who knows? We do. Of course he wouldn’t, this game is a cancer on everyone.
We didn’t have to wait long for concrete answers as to whether or not your kid was a psycho killer, we had our back turned for like, two seconds, and he freed himself and called the police.
When we lunged for him to try and teach him a lesson he instinctively protected himself (Fortnite corroding his brain again?), he pushed us away, forcing us to stumble and bash our head on your lovely kitchen island (by the way where did you get that marble top finish done, it’s lovely).
We have to admit to being shocked by just how much humans bleed, like how is there that much blood in the human body, seriously? After losing consciousness we awoke in hospital with police surrounding our bed, presumably guarding us for our own safety from your feral son. This is the violence Fortnite can cause. We were violently attacked when just going in search of simple answers. Parents be aware.