Lowry 2-0 Ireland


THE Republic of Ireland was said to be devastated following a crushing 2-0 defeat against old rival Lowry after yet another disappointing performance at their home ground, the Dublin Circuit Criminal Court, yesterday afternoon.

Kicking off at 26th September 1997, Ireland began the game with a solid start under the watchful eyes of referee Justice Michael Moriarty, with several shots at goal going wide of the mark, including two payments made by businessman Denis O’Brien to Mr. Lowry in 1996 and 1999 totalling IR£500, 000 for the securing of a 1995 mobile licence, along with a beautiful long ball in which opened up a $50,000 donation to Fine Gael was made through Telenor on behalf of Mr. O’Brien’s Esat Digifone.

Despite the pressure from the Irish forward line, the multi-million euro Lowry team managed to pull it back just before the 2011 halftime whistle, where he was re-elected to represent Tipperary North at the 2011 general election, leaving Ireland 1-0 down going into the second half, much to the delight of Lowry’s 14,010 strong North Tipperary diehard fans.

Returning this time with replacement referee Judge Martin Nolan, Lowry once again fended off a strategic attack at the 2002 mark from Irish striker Revenue Commissioner, who lay on a beautiful €372,000 ball from Finnish company, Norpe OY, but only to be dispossessed at 2006 by Lowry defender and captain, Kevin Phelan, who regularly plays for the Glebe Trust club in the Isle Of Man alongside Lowry coach, Denis O’Brien.

Microphones belonging to Irish Independent journalists picked up Lowry egging on his Captain from the sidelines, shouting: “I’m asking you Kevin, for fuck’s sake, will you protect me just a small bit. For Jaysus sake, don’t land me in it, I’m destroyed as it fucking is. I can’t bring out that fucking 200 — that 250 — again. If that comes out I’m fucking ruined, I’m bankrupt,” later adding, “I’m asking you — I’m fucking begging you. Please don’t, because I’m not — they can’t find that 200. I never declared it”.

Ireland seemed set to equalize in the last five minutes by holding possession of the ball for a large majority, however, referee Judge Martin Nolan disallowed 2 Irish goals after conferring with the VAR jury.

Lowry’s second goal came in extra time when a penalty of €15,000 was awarded for a late tackle by the Revenue Commissioners, but did leave the Tipperary TD injured for the next 3 years.

Final score: Lowry 2-0 Ireland.