It’s The ADWWNWCRU (Almost Daily WWN World Cup Round Up)
VAR is turning into such a pain in the hole and a contentious point of debate that much of the World Cup’s glorious goals have already faded from memory.
A disappointing Australia crashed out of the World Cup after losing 2-0 to Peru. After news of Australia conceding a second goal reached Denmark and France, the two teams began to down tools and spent the remainder of the match taking up second hobbies with some French defenders seen painting on canvas while the Danish midfield learned how to knit.
The final whistle of this World Cup’s first 0-0 draw brought boos from 78,000 people who attended the game and thought that maybe for €100 quid a ticket they’d get something other than a cure for insomnia.
It wasn’t all bad though as France’s white away jersey is a sexy little number, football jersey aficionados have confirmed.
The evening’s games were more edgy affairs with Croatia beating Iceland 2-1 and the nation of Argentina suffering a total of 45 million heart attacks as they watched their team take on Nigeria.
TV cameras were trained on football God Maradona throughout the game, and the footage will be used in schools to demonstrate what happens when you fill a man up entirely with cocaine.
Messi opened the scoring after deftly controlling a beautiful long range pass from Banega before placing the ball beyond the Nigerian keeper Uzoho. This game represented the first real appearance from Messi after the Argentinian coach Jorge Sampaoli finally realised passing the ball to the Barcelona star in the final third could be a good tactic.
9 out of 10 football fans have since admitted to fantising about Messi’s goal when in bed with their partners later that night.
The drama continued as Victor Moses scored a penalty after Javier Mascherano, who FIFA statisticians incidentally confirmed had the worst game of anyone in the history of the World Cup, was seen by VAR officials to be simply existing in the box next to a Nigerian player.
Marcus Rojo, who’s time at Manchester United so far has been marked out by his 2,349 truly awful and pathetic long range shots with his left foot, somehow channeled the precision and dead-eyed assassin like finishing of Gabriel Batistuta when striking the ball with his weaker right foot into the net minutes before the final whistle, prompting an explosion of manic joy from fans in the crowd.
A vital goal from a fairly useless defender in the dying minutes of a crucial game that meant everything to a football mad nation is what the World Cup is all about, and something like this goes a long way to erasing the fact everyone spent 90 minutes diving and demanding appeals to VAR from everyone’s memory.
Argentina’s victory will see them play France in the knockout stages in a game billed as the ‘shit, our managers have no idea what they’re doing’ derby.
Today’s games will see football fans root against Germany advancing to the next stage as they also secretly acknowledge it’s not truly a World Cup if Germany don’t at least get to the semi finals. And Brazil will take on Serbia in the hopes allowing Serbians to kick lumps out of Neymar might help the PSG star realise passing to teammates and playing as part of a team might not be a bad thing.
Elsewhere, FIFA president Gianni Infantino has denied the roll up wad of money he was seen carrying in his pocket came from supplying the private box Maradona watched the game from with all the drugs it needed.