SPEAKING exclusively to WWN, renowned fighter pilot and legendary smuggler Chewbacca has opened up for the first time about the death of his close friend, Captain Han Solo.
“PPPPRRRRRROWWWWWW” mused Chewbacca, sipping on a jar of blue milk and staring out over the waters off the shore of Ahch-To, where he’s currently on a secret mission.
“HHHHARRRRRRGH, ARRRGHHH ARRRGHH, OWWWWHHHH” he continued, the memory still obviously painful and hard to talk about.
Although we didn’t press Chewie too hard on the matter in fear of getting our arms ripped off, we did gleam a few sound bites about how the mighty Wookiee feels about his friend’s murderer, the fallen Jedi known as Kylo Ren.
“FRRRR FRRR FRRR FRRRROUGHHHHHHHH” said Chewbacca, tears streaming down his very furry face.
“GRRRDUHR GRRRDUHR AWWARAGHHHHHHHHH” he added, leaving us with no uncertainty as to what he intends to do the next time he meets the man formerly known as Ben Solo.
Chewbacca then grew agitated, and began kicking a small orange BB droid unit around the place in anger.
“HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRR” he stated, before crushing the holographic projector that was beaming his image into our office in Waterford, signalling a close to one of the most emotional interviews we’ve ever done.