Dublin Teen With 345 Previous Convictions Hired As Trump Advisor

QUICKLY acting on foot of yet more criminal charges being brought against him today, former US President Donald Trump has confirmed the hiring of a new advisor to his team, Dublin teen Jayo Byrnes from the North inner city.

Previously racking up a staggering 345 convictions over his short 17-year-old life, Byrnes will join Team Trump in a bid to help him cope with a litany of charges, including being indicted for racketeering and a string of election crimes today.

“Tellin’ yis now Donny, the trick is to not give a bollix, fuck ’em all man,” Mr. Byrnes told Trump at an emergency meeting held today around the back of a Lidl.

Byrnes, paid by the suggestion, proposed Trump try and get an Irish judge to try his case, while also asking him if he knew any GAA coaches or a priest, stating that they’re usually good for a character reference.

Byrnes then went on to lament the sad state of affairs in America, where unlike Ireland, authorities seem to take law-breaking seriously.

“Ah jaysis that’s rough, man. Worst thing to happen crime around here is when some rich blonde bird gets her picture taken with a loada guards”.

Charged with 13 felony counts this week on top of further trials due in New York, Florida and Washington DC, Mr Trump invited Byrnes to the US to join his team, adding that Byrnes will get on great with his son Don Jr.

“Dunno if I can get in with all me charges, but I’m sure you can pull a few string for me, wha’?” Byrnes replied, “be great to get outta this kip and get some decent chang for once  – send me on D.J’s WhatsApp there and we get mad outavit, man”.