Tesco To Trial Not Gouging Customers For A Bit
IN A bold move on its competitors, multi-billion-euro supermarket chain Tesco is to trial not gouging its customers for a bit as a way of thanks for allowing them gouge customers for a bit, WWN reports.
“We had a nice ride through the covid pndemic and this whole Ukraine war thing is a godsend excuse for us corporations in grocery retail, but look, we can’t be robbing you lot blind like this forever,” a statement issued today read.
“We’re going to make a few cuts in the hopes it saves face and makes us slightly more attractive to shoppers than our rivals who are also price gouging the absolute shite out of you too. You’re welcome”.
One of the discounted products include, Tesco’s Finest Balsamic Vinegar 250ml, which will reduce its price from €5.50 to €3.32; a whopping display of how Tescos can suddenly just cut costs like it had been suspiciously overcharging shoppers for the craic.
“No, it’s nothing to do with ‘the craic’, these inflated prices were just based on sheer and utter greed,” a spokesman corrected, “yes, we made 57.6 billion pounds in profit last year from you lot, but here’s a handful of reduced products no one really buys as a form of thanks – aren’t we great?”
Meanwhile, customers who don’t have Tesco Clubcard will be given a free tub of Vaseline upon entering the store to help alleviate the pain of being financially rode every time they shop.