“It’s The Breeze That Burns You” Local Expert Reveals

CROWBARRING his latest findings into just about every weather-based conversation he partakes in, local farmer and expert in everything Patrick Fields has insisted it’s the breeze that causes the majority of sunburn, and not the sun as initially thought.

“No, that’s the breeze now,” Fields quickly told his latest target, Janet Holding, who began complaining that she got roasted yesterday on the beach, “you wouldn’t get half as red now if it wasn’t breezy, I’m telling you now”.

Fields went on in detail about how a light breeze can be near fatal if attention is not paid to it, urging Mrs Holding to pass on his latest piece of vital information to everyone she meets as it could save countless lives and certain blistering.

“You could be out bailing hay all day in the sun, and you’d be grand, but the second a light breeze comes along, bam, third degree sun burns,” he insisted with the serious tone one would use to describe the dangers of matches to a child, “best wrap up in something light if you even get a hint of a breeze”.

The local researcher has been previously noted for a series of other findings, including how too much TV is bad for your eyesight and can only be healed by eating carrots.