Phonecovers That Say I’m A Happily Married Mother


SMART PHONE covers can reveal a lot about their owners and let people know the kind of human being you are, what you’re into and your current relationship status, but the following device protectors scream ‘I’m a happily married mother’.

The Old Reliable

Deter an entire galaxy of beings from ever chatting you up with this little beauty. Choosing this puke-pink colour will be sure to let the universe know that you’ve just changed the beds, hoovered the carpets, and spent hours of your evenings arguing with strangers in Daily Mail comment sections.

This phone-case/wallet is perfect for storing useless business cards, battered pictures of deceased relatives, your weekly lotto numbers that you never deviate from and the cheapest Samsung smart phone you can buy in Tesco. This particular cover should be kept until the very end of its life when its frayed appearance resembles a chewed up Chernobyl slipper before then being discarded in favour of a brand new identical version – perfect for mothers over 35.

Momming It Down A Tad

If you don’t want to go full mom yet, then this wallet-style phone is ideal for mummies who still class themselves as yummy. Take advantage of the folding over panel as it hides your phone screen from your spouse as you hover over the love button on your personal trainer’s latest shirtless abs selfie on Instagram before ultimately chickening out.

Perfect for beginner moms still clinging onto their youth and fantasising about what life would be like without kids and a husband.

No, Seriously, Fuck Off – I’m A Happily Married And Will Slit Your Throat If You Dare Come Near Me

Going to the effort of printing your entire family onto your phone will really send the message home that you are a well-respected, committed mother who adores her husband and kids.

No guarding your screen here, this open screen phone cover is ideal for deterring even the most ambitious of advances when left face down on a cafe or pub table. Put your husband’s fears to rest by leaving the phone unlocked and screen-side up when you use the bathroom, safe in the knowledge there isn’t any incriminating messages or images stored on this device.

Join us next week when we pick the best phone covers to disguise your affection for sadistic Satanic rituals.