The Bangles Roll Back On Previous Anti-Monday Stance


FACING severe pressure from the pro-Monday lobby, rock group The Bangles have agreed to back down from referring to the weekday as ‘Manic’, while painting the other days in a more positive light.

The group are accused of fomenting disdain for the prominent workday, revered by industry as ‘one of the most productive days of the week, when employees are at their most docile and subservient’, and faced a financially crippling lawsuit for damages caused by their lyrics if they didn’t issue a statement on the matter.

“Under the advice of our lawyers, we would like to apologise to Monday for any harm our thoughtless lyrics may have caused over the years,” said Suzanne Hoffs, lead singer for the 80s rockers.

“Our lawyers have advised us that we don’t have the money to go to war with the Monday lobby and as such, we have no choice but to issue this sincere apology or they’re coming for our assets.

“Mondays are fine. And even if they’re a little manic, that’s what makes life interesting, right? Who wouldn’t love a manic Thursday now and again, right?”

Mondayists have welcomed the apology from The Bangles and have warned The Cure that they’re coming for their ‘pro-Friday propaganda’ next.