Coppers To Open At Lunchtime Ahead Of Farmer Protest In Dublin


FAMED nightclub Copperface Jacks is to throw open its doors at lunchtime today, to capitalise on the thousands of young people expected ‘up from the country’ for the Macra na Feirme protest against what the organisation says is a lacking of planning for the future of rural Ireland.

“Ten thousand farmers set off from Athy yesterday and are expected at government buildings at 1pm, so we’d be crazy not to make hay while the sun shines so to speak,” said Jack Copper, CEO of CFJ Enterprises ltd.

“The doors will be open from 2pm and stay open until there’s not an unshitfted culchie in the city. I want you all to know that we have not been asked by the government to do this, in a bid to disperse the crowd and limit the impact of the protest. We’re simply doing this because some of these lads still have their communion money and we want as much of it as we can get between now and last orders”.

Meanwhile the requests from the protest group have gone ignored by the government, largely due to a communications issue where most TDs ‘don’t speak bogger’.

“These young men and women want answers about their future, about public transport in their localities, about mental health facilities and the continuous scapegoating by this government that presents rural life in Ireland as some sort of boogeyman when it comes to sustainability and reducing the damage to the environment,” said Michael Healy-Rae, who kindly stepped in to translate for his fellow TDs.

Traffic disruption is expected in the city centre during the protest, and again at closing time when thousands of drunk culchies attempt to navigate a taxi app for the first time in their lives.