“Making Niall Collins Answer Questions On Alleged Wrongdoing Is Basically Bullying” Confirms Taoiseach

THE TAOISEACH criticised opposition TDs attempts to have Niall Collins answer Dáil questions on the sale of council land during his time as a councillor which was ultimately bought by his wife, labeling such a move as blatant bullying and stating the Dáil is not a ‘kangaroo court’.

“Hashtag BeKind guys.This isn’t Mao’s China! A politician answering questions, whatever next? Importing guillotines from 18th century France? Making politicians accountable?” added Varadkar, who reminded opposition TDs he will report them to the Ceann Comhairle if Collins is given a wedgie.

“Honestly, the way some of you go on you’d swear you never failed to declare your conflict of interest at a council meeting where the prospect selling land your wife had declared an interest in buying was discussed. Oh, you didn’t? Fecking teacher’s pets the lot of you,” added Varadkar.

Linguistics experts praised Varadkar and his fellow coalition party leaders for testing the English language to its limits when claiming Collins’ conduct is beyond criticism while admitting it wasn’t exactly right and proper.

“I liked the bit where they all said ‘he didn’t do anything wrong, but there is wrongness in the correct thing he probably did incorrectly and he shouldn’t have done it’. Yeah that explanation broke my brain a little,” said one expert.

The coalition confirmed Collins has done nothing worth resigning over because if he had then the government would collapse due to its current slim majority and we can’t have that, can we.

“I can’t believe I’m going to say this but could the media please turn its attention to the ex-Fianna Fáil councillor who was jailed for 5 years yesterday for the sexual abuse of an eight-year-old girl please,” said one FF spokesperson.