Fianna Fail Unveil New Crypto Brown Envelopes

CONSTANTLY evolving to keep up with the times, the Republican party Fianna Fáil have launched a new range of crypto based brown envelopes called ‘The Bertie’, WWN has learned.

The new digital wallet for politicians will feature end-to-end encrypted security features allowing donors, bribers and gangsters to secretly transfer money in a bid to get political favours without any of the risk, making it a hot favourite among the party.

“The problem with brown envelopes is they’re very bulky and, well, brown,” a party source explained, “many of our members would have had to wear ill-fitting suits to hide envelopes in the past, but with the new Bertie wallet we can store thousands, even millions in your pocket without having to even own a bank account”.

Much like a Fine Gael WhatsApp group under investigation, or a Garda Commissioner phone, the digital wallet has a delete all feature for when a government inquiry is launched or a tribunal.

“All the bribes are kept on a secure cloud for later retrievals,” the source added, “we expect this to revolutionise the political landscape, with property developers and business lobbyists already scrambling to sign up for The Bertie”.

The launch of the new wallet is expected to see a surge in property developments across the country.