All Of This Hilarious
WHILE SOME esteemed and learned commentators on US cable news have insisted this is the gravest miscarriage of justice in history of humanity and/or the biggest threat to the greatest democracy that ever was, a comprehensive study of comedy, timing and context has proven Donald Trump being charged with 34 felonies is objectively hilarious.
For the avoidance of doubt, experts in the field of ‘reaping what you sow’ and ‘looking at pictures of glum Trump in court’ can confirm it is funny, all of it is so very funny. It will never not be funny. With the hilarity including and not exclusive to:
Each felony charge he is accused of carries a maximum 4 year prison sentence.
His lawyers all looking like they got their degrees from the Lionel Hutz University Of Lawyering Good.
The court sketch artist running out of orange crayons.
A detailed account of how small Trump’s penis is likely to be entered into the court’s records.
Trump shitting enough bricks to solve a housing crisis.
People insisting this is the ‘low point’ for the country that brought you ‘native American genocide’ and ‘270 million bombs dropped on Laos’ among other hits.
That Trump paid a porn star $130,000 to fuck him.
Trump answering “no” to the question “do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth”.
The next season of The Apprentice will see Trump hear pitches from rival prison gangs on how they plan on putting him in hospital.
Trump hearing ‘Miranda rights’ and presuming it’s another woman he’s paid off.
Every supporter interviewed outside court coming across like an extra from ‘Joker’ hamming it up way too much.
Melania already asking Trump is she can use his wardrobe when he’s in prison.
Trump spending 8 years screaming ‘lock her up’ and now this.
The prospect of Rudy Giuliani being a character witness.
The door not being held open for him.
Trump ringing up Kevin Hart to ask for help to get prison ready.
Trump using his one phone call to not ring Eric.
If convicted he will not be allowed vote in the State of Florida.
Trump adopting the ‘repeatedly talk shit about the judge’ approach to endearing himself to the judge.
Shawshank Redemption being added to Trump’s watch list on Netflix (uses neighbour’s account and password).
Spelling indicted ‘indicated’ on his Truth Social rant.
“This Barbie is going to prison”.