M7 Motorway To Install Claws Which Take Money Directly From Driver’s Wallet


QUICKLY abandoning plans to operate speed cameras which issues fines and penalty points by clocking motorist’s average speed on the M7, operators have switched to installing giant claws which have wallet seeking detectors on them.

“It’s just the easiest, cleanest way of doing things,” said claw operator Stephen Bough, “motorists doing over 120kph will feel a subtle sensation of our state of the art claws crashing through their windows and ripping the wallet from their trousers, purse or glove compartment.”

Claw technology has come along way since only being used by gullible fools playing arcade games and strategically placed M7 claws can lift uncooperative motorists from vehicles and shake them for spare change.

“In fairness what’s the point in having roads overflowing with cars if you can’t make money from them,” confirmed one private operator whose costs the government will cover if and when they don’t hit a pre-agreed profit threshold.

Far from complaining about the penalty extraction innovation, motorists have welcomed the development and asked that the claw method be extended to the following:

Anyone spluttering along in glorified hairdryer attempting to overtake.

All Audi drivers and yellow regs.

Any Telsa pricks who think they’re better than everyone.

Anything dragging a trailer.

Those goodie two shoe pricks who refuse to do over the speed limit.