“Why Am I Always Being Blamed?”

“SURE, I’m a confident guy and I have my good days with many smiles, but I can’t be Glad-imir Putin 24/7, sometimes I’m Sad-imir Putin, y’know? But those leaders, they just see Bad-imir Putin,” the words of Russian leader Vladimir Putin as he reveals for the first time the full toll the critical words from Western leaders has had on him.

A wide-ranging, open and raw interview with WWN, Mr Putin is being heard for perhaps the very first time as his authentic vulnerable self.

“And it’s like, oh yeah sure blame Vlad for amassing 100,000 troops on the border, but that’s not fair nobody talks about how mean NATO are,” a blubbering Putin added, who also stated that people have been too quick to judge him after the murder and/or jailing of political opponents, the illegal annexation of Crimea, the South Ossetia stuff, the cyber warfare, election interference, the Salisbury Poisonings and the military support to Bashar al-Assad, among other things.

“And it’s not much better at home, everyone in Russia always asks ‘how’s destabilising the West and undermining democracy going?’ but no one ever asks how Vlad is going, y’know? Some of times, I have all of the many feelings and I just want to sit with the ice cream and the Netflix and be normal guy eating the feelings. But the pressure, it’s too much. There’s no Selfcare Sundays for Vlad”.

“Between the unkind words and having to focus my attention on the Ukrainian border I’m barely able to enjoy the $1.3bn palace that I own through completely normal and legal means, that the Russian people are very happy or me have and afford on my salary of €119,000.”

“Seriously I’m Mr Big Bad Guy now as always. But what use is a house 39 times the size of Monaco with its own strip club and hookah lounge when all these cruel words from the West make me feel so empty inside,” added Putin sobbing into his hands.