“We Listened Intently To Students’ Concerns & Then Obviously Ignored Them”

MINISTER for Education Norma Foley was at pains to stress how much she has appreciated the contributions, input and testimonies made by Leaving Cert students who called for a hybrid model, stating “the Dept. of Education’s eyes, ears and hearts were much with the students and we fully engaged with them and other stakeholders before obviously discounting it all and just ploughing on”.

Delivering her remarks from a plinth in Leinster House and dressed like someone who vowed to crush the Avengers and flatten Manhattan if her demands weren’t met, Foley said she had considered absolutely every possibly option on the table, if that table just contained the words ‘no hybrid’.

“With all due respect, the minister is right you can’t be listening to that ‘woe is me’ guff. I mean, come on, they’re kids they can’t be trusted to know anything? Well aside, from the whole fill out this CAO to decide what you want to do with your life stuff,” added a department official.

“We’ve given students a guarantee that points for courses will go no higher than last year, so the points inflation for courses means just as many students will miss out on courses this year, what more do they want?” added the official, again not heeding the calls for a hybrid model.

The government has admitted that as always the support for their decision relies heavily on older generations completely dismissing students concerns before launching into a 30 minutes tangent about how in their day there was no such things as schools, education or happiness so consider yourself lucky.

Elsewhere, the news of a traditional leaving cert going ahead is said to left local student Cian Gafferty’s plan to panic cram at the last minute unchanged.