Dennis Hutchings Evades Justice Again

THE British Army has celebrated yet another victory over the people of Northern Ireland today, after a veteran soldier on trial for the murder of a mentally vulnerable young man, escaped with a ‘not guilty’ verdict by virtue of keeling over dead.

“We always knew Dennis would be not be found guilty of this crime” read a carefully worded statement from the British Army today.

Former alive person Dennis Hutchings had evaded justice for over 47 years since shooting unarmed John Pat Cunningham in the back as he ran terrified from an army checkpoint in Tyrone in 1974. Hutchings will now continue to be listed as ‘not guilty’ following the collapse of the trial due to an onset of Covid-induced non-alive status.

“Let the records show, he was brought to Northern Ireland for this absolute sham of a trial, and the jury did not return a guilty verdict. And so the British Army maintains a fantastic record of never doing anything wrong at any time, no matter where we were”.

Hutchings is the second high-profile British soldier to be found not-not-innocent this year, following the collapse of the trial of ‘Soldier F’ for the murder of two young Catholics during the Bloody Sunday massacre in 1972, after officials decided that too much time had passed for anyone to be really bothered trying any more.

Meanwhile the death of Hutchings has been a bittersweet moment for those who have attempted to secure justice for John Pat Cunningham, a man whose grave is to go un-danced upon, unlike some.