ATTRACTIVE young people with huge social media followings will be allowed to freely journey to sunlit climes to take pictures of themselves draped over a range of furniture, under a special exemption from incoming Covid travel restrictions due to their essential service to society as a whole, WWN has learned.
“There are a number of mental health implications to take into consideration when you’re dealing with imposing restrictions on people who are so hot, so popular” said a spokesperson for the government today, at a meeting titled ‘Dublin To Dubai: Beating Covid By Raising The Temperature’.
“Not least the health of the influencers themselves; how would they cope without sharing their lavish lifestyles with their 56,000 followers? It’d be like sending them naked into a forest filled with wolves, to let them get torn apart in a stunning photoshoot”.
“Next, you have the impact on their followers; we’re talking tens of thousands of people who need to see their favourite Instagram celebs enjoying life to the fullest, so that they too can dream about someday living a life where the champagne bottles are never emptied, the make-up artist never has an off day, and lower backs never get achey from being draped backwards across the bonnet of a stretch hummer”.
“And lastly, we need to consider the mental health of the people who hate social media influencers, who spend their time commenting on online articles with things like ‘who are they? never heard of them’ or ‘try getting a real job, love’. If we ban our influencers from travelling to Dubai to hock skinny tea, who will these malcontents complain about? You never now, they may turn their ire against you or me, but most likely me. We can’t be having that, can we?”.
Meanwhile with the influencer market proving to be among the most lucrative careers around, CAO points for influencer courses in Trinity College are set to skyrocket even higher than dentistry and medicine.
We appreciate all the help we can get, become a WWN Patreon Supporter below and gain access to bonus content.Become a Patron!