Twitter Bans Inciter Of Domestic Terrorists For 12 Hours


IN A clear sign that American democracy remains in rude health social media company Twitter has banned Donald Trump from its website for 12 hours.

Believed to be harshest punishment available to the US judiciary system for a white or orange person, the ban came after a large mob stormed Capitol Hill in Washington DC, seeking to stop the certification of the presidential election results before freely strolling back home.

In shocking scenes people could scarcely believe US police declined to shoot people for once as a group of people resembling the worst stag party ever assembled stormed the floor of the Senate, prompting black Americans to pose the question ‘are you fucking kidding us?’

“Yeah, sometimes I wonder if we’ve taken things too far,” shared one Twitter executive, aware that there were serial killers on death row who wouldn’t swap places with someone who was handed down a sentence of a brief time out from Twitter.

Speaking about their part in a light case of insurrection, those who entered the Capitol Building said they were simply ‘Aryan their views’.

As some commended Twitter on their lightening quick and decisive response to years of Trump inciting violence and spreading lies, human rights groups decried the temporary ban calling it a ‘fate worse than death’.

Elsewhere, doctors are working around the clock trying to keep Trump alive as he struggled with withdrawals as he attempted to dry out in an undisclosed Twitter rehab facility.