ON THE EVE of what is being dubbed the most important US presidential election in living memory many people are seeking to understand just what the two candidates stand for and what differences, if any, there are.

With many notable differences, there choice couldn’t be starker as WWN’s guide on the key issues explains:

Covid-19 response:

TRUMP: Own rallies estimated to have led directly to 30,000 Covid-19 cases and 700 deaths.

BIDEN: Wears mask, makes him look weak to so brazenly value other people’s lives like that.

Crime:

TRUMP: Is aware only minorities commit them, next question.

BIDEN: Diet Prison Industrial Complex.

Economy:

TRUMP: If elected to second term remains committed to strong economic performance for his bank balance and anything else that’ll keep the loan sharks from his door.

BIDEN: Will inherit massive federal deficit which Republicans will immediately blame him for. Plan to raise taxes on income of over 400k proving very unpopular with people who will never earn close to that amount.

Healthcare:

TRUMP: “I don’t believe in abortion outside of the ones I’ve personally paid for.”

BIDEN: “Wouldn’t it be neat if the next president was someone who wasn’t trying to actively kill you”.

Race relations:

TRUMP: Would prefer his immediate family not have any.

BIDEN: Would restore Voting Rights Act like some miscegenation loving no good sonavabitch.

Immigration:

TRUMP: “You can’t prove those immigrants in detention centres who were given forced hysterectomies were even going to use their wombs”.

BIDEN: “C’mon, who else you going to vote for, hombre?”

Corruption:

TRUMP: Lawyers tell him he can just pardon himself, whatever it is the FBI find.

BIDEN: Gasp! Son allegedly owns laptop.

Foreign policy:

TRUMP: Cannot rule out giving Putin a massage, if the guy asks for it would be rude not to.

BIDEN: Any potential war he starts can become the type that will momentarily stir national pride as public believe it right thing to do before becoming regrettable hell on Earth that spawns pretty cool HBO drama series years down the line.

What the next four years could look like:

TRUMP: Under Trump, it will be more of the same; four more years of inconsequential prosperity and harmony during which it won’t at all feel like you’re living through that part in history books marked ‘and then it was too late’.

BIDEN: Under Biden, it will be turbo charged senile pizza paedophilia communism for all.

If he loses election:

TRUMP: “Don’t worry, not gonna happen. I told some very nice people to ‘stand back and stand by'”

BIDEN: Will give the sort of speech that will immediately make Americans realise a huge mistake has been made.

If he wins election:

TRUMP: Will give the sort of speech that will immediately make Americans realise a huge mistake has been made.

BIDEN: You can go back to not giving a shit.