Government Place Donegal In Level 3 Just To Keep Pearse Doherty From Annoying Them


AT A PRESS briefing the government broke under questioning and admitted they only took the decision to put Donegal in Level 3 in the hopes it would keep ‘moany bastard’ Pearse Doherty from making their life a living hell for a few weeks.

“We were as surprised as anyone else to discover the existence of Donegal, but once we learned what a Donegal was, and that we could potentially keep that pain in the hole Doherty up there, we knew we had to act,” confirmed Tánaiste Leo Varadkar.

The government remain concerned that the high incidences of the Doherty’s R rate, otherwise known as ‘reading the government the riot act’, was far too high and remained a source of embarrassment and of great harm to the life expectancy of the government.

“If he’s not spluttering about the insurance industry ripping off the public and spreading droplets of common sense, it’s all about how the banks have to cough up. Construction on a permanent wall around Donegal begins now – we’ve got to keep him locked out,” confirmed an uncomfortable looking Micheál Martin.

While some members of the public expressed sympathy with Donegal as the county entered Level 3, others stated the rising rate of Covid-19 in the county was a good enough reason to finally be rid of the neglected county for good.

“No proper transport routes or infrastructure and when you look at it on the map it’s kind of like an upstart on the side of your fingernail; best give it back to the Brits or just sink it into the sea altogether,” a joint government statement suggested.