Pope Settles In For ‘Simply Divine’ Evening Of Watching ‘Moral Pleasures’ On Pornhub


AFTER declaring that pleasures such as a well-cooked meal or loving sexual intercourse to be “divine” following decades of overzealous shaming and guilt meted out by the Catholic Church, the Pope confirmed he is to spend the evening in front of his laptop to indulge in the ‘divine pleasures’ contained within popular website, Pornhub.

“The Church has condemned inhuman, brutish, vulgar pleasure, but has on the other hand always accepted human, simple, moral pleasure,” Pope Francis said while scrolling through various videos depicting couples and sextuples engaging in loving BDSM, femdom, cuckolding as well other genres of pornography, regretting that the Vatican had spent decades in staunch opposition to such things.

“They all seem to be having such a lovely time,” confirmed the Pope, as Vatican officials frantically read the labels on his medication for side effects such as ‘may include thinking sex is no longer the Devil’s work’.

Largely known as a more liberal and modernising force in the Catholic Church, the Pope may be looking to make his viewing of Pornhub a nightly occurrence, even if he found some of the content confusing.

“Why would a good Catholic husband let his wife, ‘a horny milf’, answer the door to a sexy young plumber in such revealing lingerie? I don’t like where this is going, but I better check it all ends well,” offered the Pope.