HAVE you spent the last four months giving out about people not social distancing, snarling at groups of teens, posting endless dribble online about your fears and worries centred around the Covid-19 pandemic and now have to hide the fact you’re about to go on holiday abroad for fear of being called out? Great, WWN has your back with this handy, fail-safe guide:
Obviously the past few months of lockdown has been tough on everyone, and in hindsight, you may have gone overboard with the whole giving out thing, but since the Covid-19 virus has been thoroughly defeated by you and your family staying at home, watching TV, you absolutely deserve a well earned hypocritical break from it all by ignoring all travel restriction guidelines.
With temptation at an all time high to post that frosty, overpriced pint at the airport bar to your timeline, we suggest that you, for once in your holidaying life, do not do this – it’s apparently a big giveaway.
Also refrain from posting images from the departures lounge of departing planes, empty seats, selfies of you wearing a mask as these are also definite signs to other people that you’re about to leave the country for a foreign land.
To cope with the urge, we suggest posting your holiday pictures to the privacy setting ‘just me’ and liking it yourself, fulfilling that deep pathetic void inside your needy heart that yearns for constant attention and praise.
Is a holiday even a holiday without being able to gloat about being on holiday? No, is the straight up answer to that question, but don’t worry, you’ve still got those pictures from your family weekend in Kerry last year.
Post these up on all your social media channels like they’re the present day, thus excusing your absence from home and giving you that sense that people are in some way envious. Have fun with it; make silly comments like ‘we could be anywhere right now’, or ‘all this on our doorstep, blessed’.
Technically, even though these pictures are from last year and your children look way younger, you’re not lying to anyone as the perception of time as a linear process with referral points from beginning to end is an old, outdated concept. Just think like the Buddha; there is only ‘now’. Time is a human condition. Post album ‘Kerry 2020’.
Hopefully the above measures will allow you to enjoy your trip abroad. Comfort yourself in the knowledge that you already played your part in containing the virus and that should be enough kudos to balance out any possible damage you may or may not do while holidaying abroad during the biggest global pandemic in 100 years.
And whatever happens, do not quarantine arriving at your destination, or when you get home, this is a classic sign that ‘I’ve been away when I shouldn’t have’.