AS IF they needed a fresh challenge, currently-isolating Deise family the O’Riardains are now battling their downstairs toilet’s sudden refusal to flush, WWN can confirm.
“Why, why God? Why would this happen the day after curry night” wailed Helen O’Riardain, while instructing her three kids to use the ensuite toilet for the time being.
“Did you feel like we haven’t suffered enough? Surely you must know that my husband Derek hasn’t got a notion about this kind of thing, and that we’re still very frightened to let strangers in the house. What part of this whole Covid-19 thing felt like it needed the smell of shite to complement it?”
Speaking exclusively to WWN, God broke down his thinking when it came to the O’Riardain’s downstairs toilet, walking us through his decisions to snap the connecting link between toilet handle and siphon, today of all days.
“Every now and then I like to lob a little grenade like this into the mix” laughed God, miming the pulling of a grenade pin with his teeth.
“Okay, I’ll admit, part of it is just outright badness. But it’s not like I struck them down with boils and sores. It’s a broken toilet. Dad will look it up on Wikihow, fix it temporarily with a bit of a coat hanger, the kids will think he’s great, Mum will give him ‘the good ride’, and everyone will come together more as a family. I know that right now it doesn’t seem like I’m doing the family a favour, but that’s probably just the fact that the house stinks like day-old piss at the minute. Give it time”.