Family On Bikes Terrorise Footpath

WATERFORD Gardaí have warned local residents to be on the lookout for a family of five riding bicycles on the footpath and the road after receiving dozens of reports from people being terrorised by their careless riding spree.

The group of maniacs were first reported earlier this morning heading west from the city centre, with one child riding its bicycle a couple of hundred meters behind the oblivious family unit, while another younger child weaved in and out on the footpath ahead, forcing people out walking to dive out of their way for fear of contamination.

“They literally took up a space the size of two buses driving side-by-side,” one eyewitness recalled, who was left visibly shaken by the incident, “I didn’t know where to go as they were travelling at me head-on and didn’t even bother to avoid me, instead opting to just zoom past me and smile at me like it was a great thing they were all out and about cycling together, the fucking psychopaths”.

Gardaí believe the push-bike gang is operating mostly around 3pm every afternoon with the parents of the gang seemingly preferring to ride their bikes on the road, while their undirected children take up the footpath and whatever available verge in-between.

“They seem to be under the impression that sitting on a bike outside makes them impervious to spreading or contracting Covid-19,” speculated Garda Tadhg Roche, who heads an armed response team trained in taking out rogue family units on bicycles. “We advise anyone who comes into their path to stop, drop and roll until these people pass and to call Waterford Garda station.

So far 27 families have been neutralised by armed Gardaí since the Covid-19 lockdown began.