Trump Assigns Meat Loaf & Gary Busey To Covid-19 Team


A ROUSING, confetti-strewn Covid-19 briefing by President Donald Trump at the White House yesterday was capped off with a host of surprise guest virus experts, including Grammy-award winning singer and actor Meat Loaf, and Gary Busey.

The announcements capped off a spectacular press corp meeting, where the President declared ‘war on the germs’ and treated journalists to a one-hour supercut of people saying nice things about him, which both Loaf and Busey clapped along enthusiastically to.

Trump went on to state the duo are to combine their considerable talents and fill the role formerly held by Dr. Anthony Fauci, which came as news to the veteran immunologist who was standing on the platform at the time.

“Meat Loaf and Gary Busey have been very supportive of me throughout this, and unlike Dr. Fauci, not a single American has died under their watch in the last two months. So for that reason, Dr. Fauci, you’re fired” said Trump, pointing directly into camera even though Fauci was behind him.

Trump’s first challenge for the duo; coming up with a viable vaccine for Covid-19 and saving the world has proved unsuccessful, but has created some excellent TV as Busey wanders around aimlessly and Meat goes fucking crazy at everything.