IN A LAST ditch effort to flatten the Covid-19 curve now devastating the US, President Donald Trump has ordered over 3,000 televangelists to be deployed over the worst hit states tomorrow morning to begin widespread praying.
With an estimated cost of $45 billion, each televangelist will be flown over epicentres where they will then parachute behind Covid-19 frontlines and transferred directly to local television studios to deliver mass sermons over the airwaves to tens of millions of unprotected Americans.
“The power of Christ will compel this virus out of existence, and you can take that to the bank,” Mr. Trump addressed the nation, flanked by his spiritual adviser and pastor, Paula White, who will be flown into New York later this evening especially to banish the virus there.
“This airdrop from God – who’s a good guy by the way, great guy – will only work if people vote for me in the upcoming elections, so it’s really down to the people and I trust they will make the right decisions”.
Television viewers will be asked to donate during the live sermons in the hopes of appeasing God’s lust for financial, tax-free support in return for eradicating the Coronavirus from US shores once and for all.
“If you feel fever and shakes running through your body – that’s God working the evil virus right out of there, alleluia, ” revealed televangelist, Kenneth Copeland, who is to be deployed to the wealthy state of Texas later this evening in a gold plated, diamond encrusted private jet, “just keep God busy counting those dollars and everything will be just hunky dory”.
Concluding his latest White House media briefing, Trump said he’s working non-stop to ensure he won’t be the one blamed for any of his colossal mistakes before encouraging Americans to try the latest miracle Covid-19 drug he’s pushing called ‘cyanide’.