Brits Long For The Days When Only Half The World Hated Them


THE British population are today looking fondly back at long-distant memories of a time when the whole world didn’t despise them, just Ireland, Australia, France a bit, maybe the Germans on a deep level, Africa, Argentina, Canada, most of the Middle East, China, India and Spain.

For many, it seems only a few short years ago that the British weren’t hated for Brexit, with the majority of anger directed at them coming solely from bitter resentment after years of oppression, occupation, war, forced famines, genocide, and Dane Bowers.

With Brexit looming, it appears that these old wounds among old enemies have been replaced with fresh wounds from brand new enemies, causing the Brits to pause and reminisce on the ‘not-exactly-good-but-not-so-bad old days’.

“By and large, most of the world didn’t really mind us all that much, until we went and publicly declared how much we hated them all” sighed one Brexiteer, who has to endure a lifetime of being ridiculed over his decision to trade EU membership for a good hard kick in the bollocks.

“Sure, there was always hate for us in the world, after the invasion of Iraq, genocide in India, the potato famine, Four Weddings, the Belgrano, all that kind of thing… but we could still hold our head up high and be regarded as decent people, well, among those who didn’t have a good knowledge of Northern Ireland, at least”.

With sentiment around the world towards the Brits ranging from derision to outright hatred, the UK must now turn to their charm, wit and good graces to get themselves back into international good books, which should take no time at all really.