Iceland Executes Its 5,000th Banker ​


MARKING the ten year anniversary of the global banking crisis, Iceland has this morning executed its 5000th banker in Reykjavik for what it called ‘market manipulation and breach of fiduciary duties’, WWN can confirm.

What once started as a revolutionary stance admired the world over has now become a sad and rather brutal tradition which now infringes on basic human rights, forcing member states of the UN to intervene.

“It does seem a little extreme,” pointed out US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, “as in: that’s a lot of bankers for such a small country”.

Standing in front of a firing squad, bank clerk Ingvar Örn Karlsson slumped violently to the ground after a thud of 50. calibre bullets penetrated his head and torso, leaving an eerie silence and waft of steam emanating from his wounds before a large crowd of spectators began the traditional Viking chant as the bankers last breath left his body.

“Was Ingvar responsible for the global banking crash in 2008? Probably not, as he was only 28 and worked in the lower end of the industry,” explained the mayor of Reykjavik, Dagur Bergþóruson Eggertsson, “but his execution will act as a deterrence to future bankers and financial chiefs from ever fucking with the Icelandic people”.

Since executions began in 2009, Iceland has killed one banker every week with the number of bankers in operation in Iceland down to 12.

“It’s not ideal, and customers can spend days, sometimes months queuing for banking services at the handful of branches that are left, but at least we’ll never see a crisis like that ever again,” concluded the mayor.