5 Things Trump Would Stand In The Rain For


THE WORLD has been awash with talk of US President Donald Trump’s failure to attend an event honouring US military dead at the Aisne-Marne American cemetery and memorial at Belleau due to rain falling from the sky.

A spokesperson for the Commander-in-Chief-pending-the-right-weather-conditions revealed that the presence of rain in the skies over the location 100km north of Paris made it next to impossible for Trump to attend and pay his lack-of-respect.

However, keen to limit the criticisms leveled at the president, the White House issued a handy list of things he would be would stand in the rain for to avoid future outrage and apoplexy for the American people who don’t fully understand how life threatening rain can be for a US president.

1) A KKK rally

“Rain would not deter our brave President from standing side by side with good, decent, ordinary white nationalists who assemble in public, regardless of the rain, to light crosses on fire” – confirmed White House spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Leader.

2) Praise

Rough estimates suggest not even 100,000 kilolitres of rainfall could not keep Trump away from standing, without an umbrella, in order to hear someone praise him. “We greatly fear that the president would run head on into a tsunami if he thought someone in that direction was saying nice things about him” – confirmed one of 70 Secret Service agents in special charge of protecting Trump from rain drops. So brave.

3) Diet Coke

So committed is he to honouring his love for the beverage, White House officials made sure to include Diet Coke in the definitive list of 5 things the president would stand in the rain for no matter the downpour. Courageous.

4) A tax cut

“The president remains committed to advancing himself and his own finances ahead of all others” – the White House confirmed, however, why or how exactly a tax cut would be administered in the lashings of rain is still unclear.

5) A round of golf

What is more important, more crucial and more essential than the sacrifice made by American soldiers who died in WWI? The answer seems to be a round of golf.

Bonus thing:

While strictly not rain fall, the president has shown a strong desire to endure a downpour of urine from Moscow based prostitutes. A great way to honour the fallen when standing in a cemetery in the rain just isn’t an option for some reason.