Tories Organise Seance To Get Margaret Thatcher Brexit Advice
FRESH from the news that British PM Theresa May is considering yet another U-turn in policy, this time potentially choosing to keep Britain in the customs union post-Brexit, come rumours senior Tory members are seeking to contact Margaret Thatcher via a seance.
Senior figures in May’s cabinet strongly oppose such a U-turn and thus May has sought to gain advice from former Conservative PM Margaret Thatcher, using a seance to bridge the gap from Westminster to Hell.
Similar to any other ordinary seance which seeks to commune with the demonic dead, May was required to spill the blood of a soon to be deported member of the Windrush generation on the table before reciting some hate-speech about the working class in latin.
May, accompanied by Amber Rudd and David Davis, huddled around a table for hours hoping against hope Thatcher could provide them with the leadership and brain cells they so desperately lack.
However, once a hazy apparition of Thatcher appeared before them spitting flames, Thatcher struggled to hear questions clearly as every one talked over each other screaming variations of ‘we don’t know we’re doing, help’ before knocking the table over in the confusion.
“Fuck me, I can’t believe I’m saying this but maybe I should speak to Boris and The Mogg,” a frustrated Thatcher said in a booming voice.
The seance is expected to continue once May can figure out a way to get both Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees Mogg to climb out of one another’s arseholes, and Thatcher stops dry humping a newspaper she spotted on the table which details the poverty and lack of services that could be experienced by Britons post-Brexit.