Mafia Distance Themselves From Comparisons To FIFA


THE MAFIA has been quick to distance themselves from comparisons to football’s governing body FIFA after it emerged two witnesses in a corruption case against former FIFA executives have turned up dead in recent days, WWN confirm.

“Hey now, don’t drag our names into this, you’re making us look bad,” confirmed mafia spokesmademan Tony Palatino, who represented the Genovese family, among others. Palatino admitted he was all too aware of the reputational damage that could be caused to the mafia if it was continually compared to a ruthlessly corrupt organisation like FIFA.

Judge Pamela Chen, presiding over the court cases dealing with several former FIFA executives ruled that the apparent ‘throat slitting’ motion made by defendant and former head of the Peruvian FA Manuel Burga amounted to attempted witness tampering. This judgement comes days after the witness that was subjected to the gesture by Burga, Alejandro Burzaco, was murdered.

“Careful with those words there, you saying the mafia would try something brazen like this too?” continued Mr. Palatino, “we in the mafia can conclusively say we haven’t got shit on these FIFA guys. We couldn’t compete with this stuff”.

The scale of the alleged corruption by FIFA executives has continued to astonish those following the trial, and when it was put to the mafia that large scale intimidation, bribes, racketeering and threats of violence was very much similar to the mob’s way of doing things, they were adamant they not be compared to football’s top men.

“This thing of ours, it is frankly baby stuff when compared to FIFA, a few of us are actually thinking of going to the trial today to take notes and get some ideas,” concluded spokesmademan Palatino.