Astonishing New Information Suggests Government Doesn’t Really Like Whistleblowers

NEW INFORMATION regarding the Tánaiste’s knowledge of the legal strategy to attack the credibility and motives of whistleblower Sergeant Maurice McCabe, suggests for the very first time that the government may view whistleblowers as a nuisance and not a key and integral part of improving institutions and eliminating corruption and malpractice.

Tánaiste Frances Fitzgerald first learned of the decision by then Garda Commissioner Noirin O’Sullivan’s to instruct a legal team to question Sergeant McCabe’s credibility in 2015, however, the Tánaiste had assured the Taoiseach she only learned of this strategy in 2016, when the information entered the public domain when transcripts were leaked.

“What you have here is just a simple case of omitting knowledge through human error,” confirmed one spokesperson for the government’s Spin Unit, “now the record is corrected, there’s really no need to be talking about bringing down the government because this could amount to at its worst, lying to the Dáil and the nation about whistleblower intimidation,” added the spokesperson, who upon reflection, might want to look for a new line of work.

This new information has been labeled as astonishing by those people who haven’t paid attention to how successive governments have treated whistleblowers during the last decade.

“If only someone knew the contempt senior political figures had for those reporting the misdeeds of superiors and how inconvenient it was, then this latest twist wouldn’t really appear all that surprising,” explained one member of the public, who vaguely recalled all the harmless japes around falsely accusing whistleblowers of being sex offenders.

Elsewhere, the government’s Spin Unit is to spend the day drafting a press release about the subjective nature of things such as ‘lying’, ‘truth’, ‘blame’ and ‘consequences’.