Teenager To Enjoy Last Few Days Owning 10 Fingers


A LOCAL WATERFORD teenager has been urged to enjoy his last few days with ten fingers after he revealed to friends the extent of his firework supplies, WWN can confirm.

Gav Kelly (14), has already set off several bangers in his local area but is holding onto the bulk of his firework arsenal for Halloween night when it is expected he will lose a minimum of one finger.

Dismissing concerns that he bought various projectiles that originated from China somewhere from a local dodgy adult, Kelly urged friends to relax, stating ‘these all came from somewhere in China, so you know they’re good’.

Growing weary of Kelly’s increasingly reckless use of bangers, friends have urged him to carry a plastic bag with ice in it on him at all times, so that in the event of becoming separated from several fingers he can attempt to reattach them in an emergency surgery carried out at the local A&E.

The concern of Kelly’s friends has been echoed by leading fire safety experts.

“Yup, he looks like a fucking eejit alright, but come the end of Halloween he’ll look like a fucking eejit with a few less fingers,” confirmed a local firefighter who is sick of this shit if he’s being honest.

Despite the impending separation of his fingers from his hand, Kelly has described his mood as ‘upbeat’ as he continues to enjoy throwing bangers at various inanimate and animate things.