“UCD Student Union Vote Is An Orgy Of Sin!”

In his regular column, Bishop Cornelius Byle, WWN’s resident priest and conscience expert, explains why anyone who dares vote in a UCD Student Union vote might as well change their name to ‘baby killer’.

Good after morning to you all and welcome to my column. I must start off with an apology as in my last column, I stated that drowned Syrian refugees can’t have been Christian otherwise God would have saved them. Now, onto the actual important news, one parishioner has made me aware of a vote in the UCD Student Union, which will make abortions mandatory for first year’s students, be they male or female. And if we follow that logic, in a matter of weeks they will be aborting actual adult students who don’t agree with their undemocratic democratic process.

A vote on such matters that young people shouldn’t even be allowed know about is tantamount to staging a sinful orgy upon the tomb of Christ himself. These warped minds love nothing more than upsetting their grandmothers before having what they have taken to calling ‘singasms’. You read that right, they actually get sexual gratification from offending God.

I admit, I expected little from the liberal brainwashing bourgeois den of sin that is third level education, but the idea of putting information about abortions and abortion service on a piece of paper is a flagrant poke in the eye of God. My opinion on Irish universities is well known, once they started letting Catholics attend TCD, it was all downhill from there.

Not to upset the devout readers, but just imagine if you will if UCD students had access to a time machine, and before you laugh at such a thought remember they teach scientific witchcraft at that institute, so it is possible. If these sin-addicted abominations we call students had such a device they would certainly set a course for the time of Mary’s pregnancy and force her to have an abortion by handing her a leaflet with information on it.

These are the sort of demonic things education can do to folks, it puts ideas in their heads and asks them to think for themselves – a terrifying thought, I’m sure we can all agree.

And so, it has come to this, a strong Catholic person removed reference to abortion information in a brochure without consulting anyone else, and ignored a vote, which confirmed the Student Union’s pro-choice stance and a shadowy network of Jewish billionaires in America are now ousting her from her position.

I spoke to a student who was appalled by this sort of sinful scenario. That the student in question is a 59-year-old man studying in the seminary is an irrelevant point. The point is, of the students I talked to, 100% of him said you’ll suffer in hell if you vote in this thing, and I happen to agree.

Yet another reason to raise the voting age to 45, these young people suffer a sickness of the mind, one which has a corrosively high opinion of women’s rights. Well, I’ve another word for them, more like women’s wrongs.

Now, please burn the contents of this electronic article immediately after reading it. Your bodily desires disgust me.