Waterford Mother Downs Valium As Son Starts Leaving Cert


ONE WATERFORD mother’s nerves are so shot ahead of her son’s first foray into the Leaving Cert examinations that she has taken to just popping one or ten Valiums to calm herself.

Nuala Andrews, mother of Ronan, was seen by WWN seated at her kitchen table, staring blankly at the wall while rapidly jigging her right knee up and down, such is her profound worry for her eldest child.

Panic-Googling a variety of questions such as ‘if you fail English do you automatically become a drug addict bank robber, and a rapping gang member and a prostitute?’ Nuala made the sensible decision to ring her friend late last night to procure a handful of harmless ‘nerve settlers’.

“It’s gas, I call her my ‘dealer’ and she calls me her ‘best addict’ but I’m not because I have a nice accent. My nerves are down to nothing, what if Ronan gets a question on something he doesn’t know? I should probably just run into the exam centre and tell the examiner to go easy on him, it’s not fair on him,” Nuala shared as she spun around in circles, pulling at her hair.

“You know I wish I could just do them for him,” shared the mother who would be helping no one is she did attempt any of the exams.

“Ah, look at him there, my Ronan,” Nuala said while slumping onto her sitting room couch, clutching a framed photo of the 18-year-old, as the third Valium finally began working.

Elsewhere, a 28-year-old Irish woman has had her citizenship revoked and passport torn up after claiming she has never suffered from a ‘Leaving Cert nightmare’ and didn’t find the exam experience all that harrowing.