Citizens Assembly Recommends Ireland Argue About Abortion For Next 18 Months


WITH THE news this weekend that the Citizens Assembly has voted for the Oireachtas to legislate for abortion in Ireland, comes similar news that it has also recommended that the Nation settle in for at least 18 months of non-stop arguing and perfectly rational debate.

Given the unenviable task of doing a job the electorate elected politicians to do, the panel of ordinary citizens voted in favour of abortion in Ireland with “no restrictions as to reasons” while also recommending that the public avoid all family gatherings, social functions, work drinks and the outdoors as they will now inevitably descend into intense discussion and debate with no let up in sight.

Speaking at an emergency sitting of the cross party Irish Commission on Things We Don’t Talk About, the government confirmed it would receive a final report from the Citizens Assembly some time in June, at which point it would then seek other ways to continue to kick the can down the road in order to avoid having to deal with the 8th Amendment.

“We must commend the work of the Assembly, but also acknowledge the likely need for a second Citizens Assembly, which will be sent off for 6 months to look into the first Citizens Assembly’s work. You know, to double check it for spelling mistakes, anything really,” confirmed the Taoiseach.

“It’s a bit unfair, what they’ve done, they know we’re going to drag this out for as long as possible before even thinking about putting it to a referendum,” confirmed a government insider, who admitted to feeling upset at the thought of the cabinet actually doing something resembling work.

The Taoiseach also went on to confirm he had not ruled out placing the final report from the Citizens Assembly in his desk drawer and subsequently forgetting about it.