A&E Overwhelmed With Number Of People In Chocolate-Induced Comas
EMERGENCY SERVICES are in chaos this morning as the chocolate-induced coma epidemic continues to push resources to breaking point across the country, WWN can reveal.
Thousands of businesses are without the majority of their staff following the inability of large swathes of the public to eat their Easter chocolate haul in moderation.
“We have people in here in comas, who have consumed enough sugar to power a large elephant for three years,” explained one emergency room doctor in between taking receipt of yet more coma patients.
Eye witnesses to children and adults falling into comas describe a zombie like lust for chocolate, with gorging on the dairy milk shells lasting hours before individuals succumb to losing consciousness.
“Next of kin typically describe their loved ones before coma as full of life and a little giddy, then out of nowhere they become monosyllabic, clutch their stomachs with a look of regret and become immobile as if glued to the couch,” added the doctor.
Medical officials stopped short of issuing instructions to the people to resist the urge to finish off what is left of chocolate supplies.
“We’re 100% sure there’s no getting through to people, the rustle of the colourful foil around a half eaten egg triggers an insatiable desire we haven’t seen in any other type of addict. It’s a lost cause,” one medical official said in between bites of a Cadbury’s egg.
Some 40,000 people have been admitted to A&E departments in the last 24 hours, bringing the nationwide total to an official figure of ‘almost everyone’.